a new perspective

While I don't usually write down my feelings or post just a note, I thought I would share this.  I also wouldn't call myself a writer of any sort, but here goes!  

Lately, the reality of becoming a mother of two has seemed, at times, more overwhelming than joyful.  With Landon going through a bout of separation anxiety and sleep anxiety I have felt pulled in his direction so much that I couldn't imagine also having a newborn. While this reality of the newborn is coming quickly upon us, past my due date by two days now, I have been so thankful for the extra days and encouragement by others to change my perspective.  

 My overwhelming feelings have come at a time that should be sweet and calm, however, putting Landon to bed these days seems like more of a chore to add to the list than the sweet rocking of my baby to sleep.   He has entered a stage that he is not able to get himself to sleep without being rocked, read to, sang to, and then having me hold his hand through the crib bars while continuing the songs...his favorite song being, 'Amazing Grace'.  As sweet as this sounds, lately all I can think of is how I will do this process, which takes over an hour most nights, when I can hear a baby crying downstairs.  Or, wondering if that laundry has actually begun to fold itself after being in the dryer for the third day in a row?   Over the past week I have been trying to sort this out and I came across this article... which helped a lot.  Take a read if you’re interested!

http://www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/2-year-olds-sleep-anxiety-following-separation-from-mother

So this article helped me realize that I need to be there for Landon, in as many ways as I can right now, and really be there 100%.  It is my job to make him feel secure and confident in himself so that he can grow out of this 'stage'.  It is trying at times, but why should I ever think the laundry is more important than my first baby gaining the feeling of security.  Whatever it is that he is processing, I don’t want him to do it alone.  Plus, we are about to add another huge change to his life.

The second thing that helped me shift my perspective was this devotional my dad sent me.  It is about finding joy and peace in the unplanned circumstances of your day, always... not sometimes, not when we remember, but always.  The very day that I read the devotion I had a great day... not because everything went as planned and definitely not because Landon was a fantastic kid that day. (In fact, we had a no-nap because he fell asleep in the car for ten minutes kind of day.  Topped off with an entire container of Parmesan cheese (the really little sprinkle kind) being shook ALL OVER the floor while I was going to the bathroom.  Talk about feeling like you can't do anything.... 9 months pregnant- literally, on my due date, and I feel like I can't go to the bathroom because he will get into mischief.)  BUT this day, May 5, was our turning point... we chose JOY and PEACE and we found God in the little things.  Remember that Parmesan cheese? Landon had the time of his life with the vacuum cleaning it up! And, remember the no-nap?  Landon fell asleep on my shoulder walking up the stairs to bed, at 7:15pm... that meant an entire evening of finishing up the things I didn't get to throughout the day and enjoying my ice cream on the couch with Kyle.

http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/encouragement/finding-joy-in-unplanned-circumstances-encouragement-for-today-may-5-2015.html

So, with all this said... I will continue to change my perspective... finding JOY in knowing that my purpose is to raise two boys to love God and others with all their heart.  We will find the joy and peace in all things thrown our way.  I know I will still  be overwhelmed at times and while I know that it is not the amount of laundry done, floors cleaned or dishes not in the sink that measures if we have had a good day, it may take me a little while to get used to looking at it all and being okay with that :)

P.S.  One more lesson God is teaching me... PATIENCE!  Going on day two of being 'over-due' with this baby :)  On one hand I am SO thankful that I have learned these lessons over the past few days, but on the other, I just want to meet my baby boy and hold him in my arms!  Come on baby... today would be a great day ;)